We’ve all been affected by the pandemic for over a year now. That effect looks different for many of us, depending on our life situations, of course. Some have felt some concern, but have still been living fairly full, interactive lives. Some have felt angry and inconvenienced, some fearful and forced to go to jobs that puts them in consistent contact with the public. Some have stayed home almost entirely. Some of those in the last group live alone, and have barely had any physical contact with other human beings. For over a year. Some have had loved ones die of COVID-19.

It’s been hard for everyone to some degree, in whichever group you’ve found yourself. Perhaps you’ve had more than one of those experiences at different times.

Right now, I’m writing to those of you who have taken social distancing seriously, and have had little contact with people. I have a number of clients and loved ones in this group. It’s been a rough year for you.

I’m hearing some version of these statements from a number of folks — “I don’t know what’s okay to do or feel! I’m vaccinated, but I’m still afraid to hug my friends. I hear so many conflicting things about what’s safe. Even if I’ve read that I should be safe, I don’t feel safe. I’m just anxious when I do something I haven’t done for over a year! I’m still afraid to go to work, I’ve been working from home and my boss wants me to come in! My daughter came over and wanted to hug me for the first time in 15 months and I’m just afraid.”

“Why am I still so anxious! I should be feeling great and happy to be able to be close to people again!”

I can share how I’m choosing to work with all of this. I’ve chosen to be vaccinated. I did my research and feel good about my choice. Do I think there’s zero risk in my decision? No. But, the risk is acceptable to me and my family.

Here’s part of what I want to say — life involves risk. Every time we choose to drive a car or cross a street, we take a risk. We all live in places where natural disasters happen — here in Oregon, and when I lived in California, there were earthquakes that might happen. Wildfires are increasingly a danger here on the west coast of the United States. I grew up in Louisiana, and have vivid memories of walking out of our house in the eye of Hurricane Betsy when I was a little one. And a number of others for which we evacuated because my mother said “never again!”.

For me, it’s a numbers game. At some point, the risk becomes acceptable to me and my family. We’re all navigating some level of risk, every moment of our life.

And, the other thing to say is… be gentle with yourself. Just because your cognitive mind understands that your odds appear to be better, even acceptable, that you won’t contract what can be a devastating disease, or that it’s unlikely that you’ll have a severe reaction to the vaccine, doesn’t mean your reptilian brain understands that! Your nervous system has been in some version of freeze and/or fight or flight for a long time.

You can take “opening up” slowly. It’s probably not wise to go to work full time your first week back! See if you can negotiate with your boss to start with one day, or even one hour, and have some transition time. The first time you see someone you haven’t seen in a long time, see what it’s like to sit near them for a few minutes before you hug. Take it slowly, let your nervous system catch up to your rational decision to experience contact. Remind yourself, just as you might soothe a frightened child, “It’s okay. We did our research, and this is reasonably safe. Connection is good! We need contact with people we love, this is good. This is good.”

If you notice you did something that you’re feeling uncomfortable about afterwards, it might be wise to give your nervous system an apology. “I’m sorry I took that kinda fast, it seems like you weren’t quite ready. I’ll try to go more slowly next time. I hear you, that scared you.” Maybe wrap your arms around yourself and hum a bit to help yourself calm down. Breathe.

We are finding our way, all of us, to the best of our abilities. My hope is we can all give ourselves and each other space to move at a pace that really works for ourselves as we navigate the changes.

And, for those places in the world that are experiencing the worst of the pandemic — to India and Brazil, so much tenderness and love to you. What you are experiencing is horrendous. We are heartbroken for you. I so wish I could do more.

I have donated to Avaaz, they have a campaign to support India. If you have any discretionary funds, please consider supporting this effort.

Blessings to you all. May you all take your life at a pace that really works for your nervous system.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 9th, 2021 at 4:59 pm and is filed under Grief, Health and Nutrition, Integrating Lifestyle Changes, Life on Life's Terms, Living Into Death, Spiritual Practice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.