People sometimes ask me what kind of training I have to do the counseling work that I do. That question always makes me want to laugh and cry.

Yes, I have training in multiple spiritual, psychological and coaching modalities. Personal healing and spiritual awakening has been a central focus in my life since my late 20s. But, I didn’t embark on this path to heal others. I was crawling through the muck of my personal story, and was sick and tired of suffering.

It has not been a straight line, this healing path. There’s a saying that we travel in spirals as we heal, revisiting similar issues cyclically. Each time you find yourself seemingly going over the same ground, check in and see what’s shifted since the last time you were here. Are you catching the patterns faster? Do you have more awareness about the process you are in? Is there are part of you that is not quite as caught up in the story as it plays out? This is progress. We heal, sometimes slowly, and sometimes more quickly. But, movement is happening. Can you give yourself credit for that?

Out of Purgatory, acrylic on paper

Self care is a dance. I wish it were straightforward, a prescription the doctor could write and we could fill at the pharmacy, take once a day, and be done with. That would be simple, wouldn’t it?

But, especially when you have chronic health challenges, it’s often a dance whose steps seem to be changing every day. Sometimes because the way an ailment expresses itself goes through a transition, sometimes because you start a new treatment or supplement regimen, sometimes because the season has changed, or perhaps your hormones are changing due to aging. You may decide to remove a food from your diet to see if it makes a difference in your digestion or energy level and an entirely different set of symptoms you weren’t even consciously aware of disappears.

Nataraj, the Dancing Form of Shiva – symbolizing the cosmic dance of creation and destruction, birth and death.

Okay, almost everything-free. Pretty darned close. No gluten, grains, nuts, eggs, dairy, or added starches. No added sugars if you choose the stevia option.

Yes, I know this is too late for you to make for Thanksgiving, but I only just made it myself today, so I couldn’t post it earlier. Hey, I haven’t posted since September, so I figure I’m doing pretty well!

Truth is, this is just food, folks. A little high in carbs if you’re really trying to keep those low. But, you could make it for breakfast. Pie for breakfast. That sounds just fine. Think I will.

By the way, this is a kabocha squash. In case you wonder when you read the recipe. Sometimes it’s called a Japanese pumpkin, and is what is in Thai pumpkin curry dishes.

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I’ve been feeling done lately. Just done. I don’t want to cook, I don’t even really want to eat much.

Some of it’s the heat (which is thankfully starting to abate). It’s definitely the humidity, which is continuing even as the temperature is dropping. It’s the busyness of getting in the last events of the summer while preparing for the school year’s beginning. Then there’s trying to keep up with a hyper fertile, crazy huge pear tree that came with the house we bought three years ago. I’m starting to wonder if maybe we could just sell the tree.

20 quarts of windfall pears – just one batch of too many to count.

But, I just can’t let the pears rot, so I’ve been chopping, cooking, drying, leathering, juicing and reducing batch after batch of windfall pears. And I don’t even eat the things. Can you tell I’m a little over it?

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More than halfway through the summer. I’m loving the lazy heat of it. The late to bed and not so early to rise. How can I go to bed when it’s still light and hot? Or make the kids go?

We went camping last week. My youngest is going back on the GAPS/SCD diet with some herbal antibiotics to finally take care of some lingering bugs in his gut, so I needed to think through the food a little more carefully than usual. And, I didn’t have a lot of energy to do extra shopping, so I hunted around in the pantry to see what I could use – and there they were.

White beans. Shhh… don’t tell. I don’t usually eat beans, but white beans are GAPS/SCD legal. So, into a jar they went, covered in water. Then sprouted for a day. So sweet, with little sprouty tails just appearing. Red onion, mint and Italian parsley from the garden, a little balsamic, lemon, olive oil and salt. So simple, and really, really good. I remembered at the last minute to take a photo, after most of it was eaten.

Minty White Beans – photo snapped at lunch break on an 8 mile hike.

Haven’t written much in the past year. Not much at all.

Sometimes things have to die so that they can come back to life in a true way.

Starting from a young age I wanted to be an actress. I loved being on stage. My first real acting classes, I realized later, were my first formal spiritual training. The reality that I could take on different states of mind and emotions at will showed me I was not the personality that I knew as “me”. If that wasn’t “me”, what was?

I explored more as I became an adult. I became fascinated with creativity of many types – writing and film making, primarily. I was cooking for a living, until I could become “an artist”.

In my early thirties I shared the idea that I was waiting to “become an artist” with a group of teachers on a meditation retreat. One of the teachers said, “But, Durga, you ARE an artist. There’s no becoming. It doesn’t matter if you’re not making money at it. Being an artist is a way of being in the world. It’s a view.”
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